Guilty or not, I still feel bad

January 11, 2008 by

Warning: thinking too much level = off the charts.

guiltySometimes I feel like I’m at fault (in one way or another) for him to be in such a place in his life. We could have been really good friends – his arrogance challenges me to be more arrogant, and sometimes, he does make sense. I just heard that he’s leaving for good, and even if he’s been the biggest jerk of 2007, a small percentage of my heart found itself a new tiny crack.

He’s been on a downward spiral ever since he found out … and I can’t blame him, but if he didn’t insist on being the narrow-minded prick that he was (and I’m sure STILL IS), I could have explained to him that it was nothing personal… but sorry, he chose to be himself.or maybe not guilty

I wish I could talk to him before he leaves, straighten things out. In all honesty and sincerity, I was a friend to him. Every time we talked, I was sincere and I told the truth (even though he couldn’t keep secrets…) and he can blame for other things, but he can’t accuse me of being a liar and a hypocrite – he got to meet my dearest friends, isn’t that proof enough?

I wish him well.

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clingy AND needy

September 18, 2007 by

i can’t be any worse than THAT, right??

i’m guilty of being clingy and needy for quite a while now and it seems this pathetic phase isn’t going away for quite some time. i hate it and yet i can’t help it!

i know i should focus on training (and i do, believe me) and i’ve been so tired that i don’t have the energy to go out anymore during weeknights. and yet, i want my sweetie to come see me at night, even to the point of intentionally playing the naruto dvd to make him not notice the time and eventually end up sleeping over at my place. it worked for a few times, which makes me hysterically happy.

and now, he’s been busy with work/school that i don’t actually see him anymore. i know i shouldn’t ask him to come see me bec he’s working and studying and yet i can’t help it! i end up still asking him to! he’ll say sorry he can’t and i end up feeling really sad and crying..

what has gotten into me?

take this pathetic alter ego out of me puhleeeeaz!!!

call me crazy…

September 17, 2007 by

But I’ve realized I can shift from one emotion to another. it’s crazy.

I was having a rather depressing sunday afternoon with my family (dad-issues) and I was contemplating drinking the rest of my valiums at home. I even texted my sweetie if anybody can die of too much valiums (since it’s for sleep and well, for that let’s-just-chill effect), apparently one can and he got all panicky while at work ehehe. So anyway, let’s just say, it hit me that if I do commit suicide, i’d be looking all ugly and ewwy and that got me smiling once again. ehehe. guardian angel at work? or crazy biatch underneath this suicidal chick?

think about it.

thinking too much.2

September 6, 2007 by

i know i know i’m thinking too much.. it’s just that.. i can’t help it.

you see, i’m finally employed.  yes, i’m sure y’all are wondering what’s that got to do with thinking too much and my relationship. aside from the mixed emotions of having a new job, i get all these ugly UGLY feelings about seeing less of my boyfriend now that i’m busy most of the time! that’s not even the worst part. i mean, i’m a woman who goes after what i want and won’t stop til i get it so even if i fall asleep in the movie house, i wouldn’t care, as long as i get to be with my sweetie. i don’t mind drinking a litre of coffee in the morning to keep me awake at work as long as i get to spend nights with him.

what i’m worrying about is HIM! he might decide to see less of me bec he’s thinking i should rest, i should focus. and after being apart for a year (and going to be apart next year again), i don’t wanna see less of him!

i cry over this, from thinking too much. and i know the only way for me to stop is when i get to be with him. and how can that be when he’s got duty at the hospital  til sunday!

why, why… why of all, i had to end up with a doctor? now here goes another entry for thinking too much.

Protected: you’re my one big “what if”

August 30, 2007 by

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is there reason to be mad?

August 14, 2007 by

boyfriend tells girlfriend that he’ll be gone for 2 consecutive weekends to go out of town with friends. boyfriend tells girlfriend that he’ll spend monday to friday with her to make up for being away for the weekend. girlfriend didn’t get mad because boyfriend has extra effort to spend time with her. girlfriend tells boyfriend that it’s ok not to see each other provided the reasons are work-related or he needs to rest, and not hang out with friends since he’s hanging out with them anyway for 2 weekends.

tonight, boyfriend tells girlfriend he’s got “inuman” this friday with friends.

girlfriend comments, “you told me you’d be spending your weekdays with me since you’d be gone for the weekend?”

boyfriend says, “hanging out from monday to friday is too much”.

so, is there reason to be mad, ladies? boys?

distance = him missing you

August 4, 2007 by

for about 2 weeks now, i don’t text nor call my sweetie everyday (only the days when we’re supposed to meet up, for obvious reasons). hearing from me is something he expects already because i am guilty of letting him know my existence every single day (and to think i never saw myself as the clingy/needy type).

 at first, it was kinda difficult for me not to let him know i miss him or just simply asking how his day went. and it exasperated the hell outta me because he doesn’t even notice that i don’t “disturb” him as much as i did before! worst of all, i was expecting to at least get a simple message from him saying “hey sweetie, i didn’t hear from you today. i missed you”.  if not that, at least something, like good night! 

last night, finally (finally!) i got an “i miss you, sweetie..”. not only that. he lets me know this early that we’ll go out on tuesday, which is sooo unlike him, since he always asks me out on the day itself! talk about missing me! hehehe…

silly boys… they hate it when you’re around them all the time. but when you’re not there, they go miss you.

 lesson: make them miss you, as much as it’s an effort to keep your distance.

i can’t wait for tuesday… :)

some cherry popping..

July 31, 2007 by

Scene 1… lights, camera, action!!!cherry.jpg

friend1: he told her he was a virgin

friend2: whaaat!? she didn’t know?

friend1: nyahahah

friend2: i mean, cant u tell if the guy’s a virgin?

Obviously, the ladies will cringe in pain when doing it for the very very first time(and as my favorite napkin brand always says, it doesn’t matter if your hymen is broken or not.. it will still hurt) and dont’ believe what you read in your romance novels because it will HURT(as he thrust his throbbing manhood into her dewy wet petals, she flinched in pain – but subsided with the constant push of his pulsating hot shaft)

My first time hurt like hell, I bled like the hoover dam under attack and honestly, I’d rather not have a repeat performance (add a horny teenager who had no inkling where to put what, and how to do that, it’s an experience I’d rather leave to the archives of my life).

It took me a year and another boyfriend to finally enjoy sex(now I’m wondering if it’s just my horny ex-bf’s fault…not that there’s anything wrong with a horny boy in bed hehe)

Now gentlemen, it is your turn to tell the truth. How do we know if you are still a virgin?

in a few weeks i will get LAID!

July 26, 2007 by

c/o xkcd the best webcomic ever

My sweetie is coming home! hurrah!

After …um…ehrm.. uh..(I am bothered by this fact as you can see).. a stressful period of celibacy, I’m gonna get some! yeah!

My insides are churning, I’m wet with anticipation, I can’t sleep straight, and my mouth is dry because I keep telling my friends, “I’m screwed” haha! (to which they roll their eyes, vomit, roll on the floor and play dead).

I’ve been on a serious, wear-my-thick-eyeglasses- study-everything-about-sex-again-mode the past few weeks. I want to be well-informed and incredibly skilled – be the ultimate sex-goddess in his life. I swear I want him to have mind blowing sex with me. So in case we don’t end up together, and in the future, a song plays on his music player that reminds him of me, he’ll be hard as a rock ;)

schmoblem

July 23, 2007 by

How should one react when one is told by a dear old friend (one you’ve known since your diaper days)….

“I’m pregnant. and I’m sick. STD-sick. Got it from the father of my unborn child”

I’m starting to hate men.